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Don’t Ask Jamie Foxx About His Girlfriend Katie Holmes

These two. Are they afraid that the soldiers of Xenu will start tapping their phones if they’re spotted sitting at the same table? Even Suri Cruise’s rolling her eyes at Mommy and Uncie Jamie’s don’t look at us/LOOK AT US antics. Jamie Foxx quit an interview when the subject of his no-longer-secret girlfriend Katie Holmes was brought up. You would think his transphobic ass would be relieved that the speculation is heterosexually-focused this time.

Jamie played in the NBC All-Star Celebrity Game and was interviewed by ESPN before playing. He declared himself “ready-made” to play and claimed that “as soon as you pour water on me, it’s crazy!People reports that his good mood vanished when ESPN’s Michael Smith asked him about his relationship with real-life Escape From Witch Mountain star Kate Holmes.

Smith touched on photos that surfaced of Foxx and Holmes playing basketball together on Valentine’s Day, saying, “I know you’ve prepared and I saw pictures. Did you and Katie Holmes play basketball for Valentine’s Day? Like some real Love & Basketball?”

Jamie immediately ditched the cans, got his assistant to untether his ass, and headed for the court. Meanwhile, Michael inadvertently revealed that he went to journalism school at U Duh.

Foxx immediately reached for his headphones and stood up, smiling off camera as he refused to answer the question. An assistant helped him take off the microphone clip and Foxx walked away heading toward the basketball court.

“Uh oh, did we lose him?” Smith said as Foxx was seen beginning to stretch out on the court. “Oh, he ready to go, he ready to hoop.”

An indication of how irritated Jamie was is that he went to hang out with irritating douche Justin Bieber, who was looking like Shaggy in a reboot of Scooby-Doo Meets the Harlem Globetrotters.

While the Oscar winner didn’t answer the question, he appeared to be in a good mood before the game as he stood on the court with Justin Bieber.

Watch Jamie get hainty below.

Pic: Twitter

Hot Slut Of The Day!

The woman from China who went into a security x-ray machine with her beloved pocketbook because she refused to part with it!

THE QUEEN and abuelitas who will chancleta a little bitch in the throat for even thinking of touching her pocketbook have a new Jesus to worship. The BBC says that during the Lunar New Year travel rush at Dongguan Railway Station in southern China last weekend, a woman pretty much sang an ultra emotional cover of Mariah Carey’s Can’t Let Go to her purse when she was told by train station security that she had to put it through the x-ray machine.

The Chinese Protector of the Purse was okay with her suitcase going through the x-ray, but not her purse. She tried to walk through the security body scanner while clutching on to the Jack to her Rose, but she was stopped and told her soulmate with a strap had to go through the x-ray. You know, comparing this woman and her purse to Jack and Rose doesn’t really work. Because Rose let go of Jack’s ass, but this woman refused to let go of her purse. Now THAT is true, everlasting love at its purest.

The women had only a few options, like hold onto her purse and try to bulldoze through security, or try to smuggle her purse in her puss, or flush her purse down the toilet, or be a real ride-or-die bitch by risking cancer to go through the x-ray with her purse. She went with the last one. While rail station staff advises passengers against going through the x-ray machine because of radiation (and well, cancer), they let her. The video of the woman crawling out of the machine, as well as x-ray images of her, somehow made their way to PearVideo who posted it on Facebook. The x-ray images are ART and should be hung in The Museum of Ride or Die Messes.

 

The BBC thinks that the woman refused to part with her purse because she may have had a lot of cash in there. Apparently, some people in China travel with a lot of cash to give to relatives for New Year.

I did throw a skeptical look at that video, and part of me thinks it’s a stunt or a hoax, but then again, I know some people (see: THE QUEEN and my abuelita) who clutch onto their purse as though they just gave birth to it. Anything is possible. And this has inspired me to write a comic book about an abuelita who refuses to part with her purse at the TSA checkpoint, so she goes through the x-ray with it, and when the machine malfunctions, she comes out as THE HULKUELITA!

Pic: PearVideo

Birthday Sluts

Embed from Getty Images

Michael Jordan (55)
Sasha Pieterse (22)
Ed Sheeran (27)
Bonnie Wright (27)
Chord Overstreet (29)
Daphne Oz (32)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt (37)
Paris Hilton (37)
Jason Ritter (38)
Ashton Holmes (40)
Kelly Carlson (42)
Jerry O’Connell (44)
Bryan White (44)
Billie Joe Armstrong (46)
Taylor Hawkins (46)
Denise Richards (47)
Dominic Purcell (48)
Tuesday Knight (49)
Chante Moore (51)
Michael Bay (53)
Larry the Cable Guy (55)
Lou Diamond Phillips (56)
Loreena McKennitt (61)
Rene Russo (64)
Becky Ann Baker (65)
Brenda Fricker (73)
Vicente Fernandez (78)
Dame Edna Everage (Barry Humphries) (84)
Hal Holbrook (93)

Afternoon Crumbs

Aaron Paul and his wife Lauren Parsekian have named their first kid, a daughter, Story Annabelle Paul. Aaron and Lauren must be Punky Brewster fans. The name works for me. I mean, Aaron slobbers out pure cheese about his wife “Pretty Bird” so much that it’s fitting that their child have the initials SAP – Celebitchy

I don’t know why Isabelle Huppert is wearing almost the same denim suit I wore as a toddler during an Olan Mills family photoshoot, but I do know that she wore it better – Lainey Gossip

Cynthia Bailey of Real Housewives of Atlanta may have broken up with her sole storyline this season – Reality Tea

Gus Kenworthy broke his thumb, so he can’t shake Mike Pence’s hand, but he’s still got a working middle finger that he can use to tell the VP how he really feels – Towleroad

Forgot to wear pants: Blake Lively did – Drunken Stepfather

I never noticed this before, but Bradley Whitford with sunglasses on sort of gives me mini Warren Beatty vibes – Pajiba

Natalie Portman showed up to an event dressed like a spoiled rich toddler going to a fancy funeral – Popoholic

Professional house hunters (it feels like they’re always house hunting) Ben Affleck and Lindsay Shookus hit up the pap stroll today – Just Jared

Pic: Wenn.com

Marilyn Manson Had A Little Meltdown At A Show In New York Last Night

If Pixar’s Inside Out took place in Marilyn Manson’s mind, one might guess his five emotions would be sad, depressed, melancholy, horniness, and boredom. Go ahead and replace one of those (boredom?) with insecure, and then promote it to the top spot on the list. Last night during a show in Huntington, NY, Pitchfork says that Marilyn had a bit of a meltdown on stage after the audience failed to tell him how much they loved him.

According to multiple fans in the audience, Marilyn went on several “long, angry, incoherent” rants during the show, and repeatedly asked his fans to say they loved him. Eeesh, I’ve had shitty Valentine’s Days before, but they were never so bad I went into work the next day and started begging my co-workers for love-based validation.

Marilyn only performed a handful of songs before eventually dropping his microphone and ending his set. Fans posted video of the show last night. Apparently when Marilyn wasn’t begging for love or ranting about whatever, gave an impromptu scat lesson, if that lesson were taught by someone who was still coming down off dental pain killers.

And here’s one of him singing with the enthusiasm of a difficult preteen whose mom volunteered him to narrate the church’s Christmas pageant.

Marilyn hasn’t commented on her performance last night. I’m hoping he’s taking a long nap, it seems like he could use one. When he wakes up from that nap, someone’s got to tell him that begging fans for love isn’t the way to get them to say, “I love you.” An audience can’t be trusted half the time to throw their hands in the air and wave them like they just don’t care! So asking a bunch of moody Marilyn Manson fans to spread love like they’re at a Polyphonic Spree concert isn’t going to turn out the way he hoped. If he really wants to repeatedly hear “I love you,” he should add a perpetually half-drunk sorority girl to his entourage. They’ll never let you down when it comes to repeatedly telling you how much they love you.

Pic: Wenn.com

Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo Just Welcomed Their Second Kid

It’s weird to think it wasn’t THAT long ago when you saw Adam Levine doing everything short of wolf-whistling ringside at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Eventually, he got married to one of the Victoria’s Secret models he wolf-whistled at, Behati Prinsloo, and those two have become a domestic rocker/model duo, especially now that she just gave birth to their second baby.

E! News says Behati gave birth to a daughter they named Geo Grace Levine. I really hope I’m not the only one who heard that name and is now seriously considering Netflix and chilling to Gia tonight. Adam and Behati announced they were expecting in September, just a year after she gave birth to their first daughter, Dusty Rose. Adam, however, told Ellen DeGeneres during an interview he didn’t expect this to be their last tater tot:

“I want a lot [of kids], I thrive in chaos. She was an only child, so she wants like 100 babies. I don’t know if I can do that. That’s a lot of babies.”

His so-called “thriving” in chaos certainly explains why he’s been a constant in all 400 seasons of The Voice, but has anyone chatted with Behati? Pushing out a stream of kids just to give Adam the chaos he craves seems a little one-sided in the marriage contract!

Pic: Wenn.com

Jocelyn Wildenstein Has Barely Changed Her Face, So Claims Her Fiancé

Just last year, Jocelyn Wildenstein, the most gorgeous Thundercat that ever was, told The Mirror that she’s spent over $7 million dollars on hundreds of plastic surgery procedures throughout the decades, and that she’d keep getting her face tweaked into her 80s. (She’s 77 now). There’s also that legendary Vanity Fair piece from 1998 where her late billionaire ex-husband Alec Wildenstein said that after she got her eyes done for the first time and they got his-and-hers facelifts, she went wild and was always getting her mug touched by a plastic surgeon’s scalpel. A friend told Vanity Fair that they don’t remember a time when Jocelyn wasn’t healing from surgery, and that everyone believed she was trying to look like a cat.

Well, either Jocelyn and her fiancé have taken delusions of grandeur to levels we’ve never seen before, or none of us have eyes that really work. Because Jocelyn and her 51-year-old fashion designer fiancé Lloyd Klein (the same fiancé she gets into messy, violent fights with) tell the The Daily Mail that the USDA can practically certify her face as organic, because she’s barely done anything to it.

Jocelyn did her first interview in 20 years with The Daily Mail. As part of the interview, Jocelyn posed her “Excuse my natural beauty” off during a Brigitte Bardot-inspired photoshoot. Jocelyn channeled her inner Brigitte Bardot, because she and Lloyd claim that she gets mistaken for Bardot. That’s insane, because the Brigitte Bardot of today wishes she had it like Jocelyn. But the most question mark-summoning thing that was said during the interview was Lloyd saying this about her face:

“I don’t understand the whole press and Catwoman thing because Jocelyn always looked like that. She never really did anything to change her face. I have pictures from 16 years old where she looks exactly the same as today.”

This is what Jocelyn’s face has looked like throughout the years:

If this is Lloyd Klein’s way of trying to get Jocelyn to up his allowance, then he didn’t earn it with that “she never really did anything to change her face” mess, but he did it earn it with this:

“Look, Jocelyn is beautiful, she’s magical. The first time I met her, I was almost mesmerized by the beauty, the eyes, the personality.  And I work in fashion and I see all these supermodels, and I see everyone, and I see the most beautiful women on the runway, right? But Jocelyn, has something to offer that not a lot of women have.'”

Maybe Lloyd and Jocelyn are telling the truth. Maybe Jocelyn’s billionaire ex-husband and her so-called friends lied to Vanity Fair. Maybe Jocelyn also lied when talking about her plastic surgeries in the past, because she wanted to make people feel like they could achieve her kind of magical cat beauty if they got hundreds of surgeries. She didn’t want to let the people down by telling them that her beauty came naturally. I’m going with that.

Screenshot: The Daily Mail

Christina Aguilera, Courtney Stodden, Or Random Hooker?

I wanted to set you guys up with something really special and hot before the weekend but then I saw this and thought you might actually want to see a 90’s cum storage facility in a bathtub. Did I guess correctly? Actually, Christina Aguilera always struck me as someone who had about as much pizzazz as Mandy Moore spread over whole grain bread, and just needed a schtick, so she told people to rub her lady jizz out of her hole in Genie and a Bottle and then just turned herself into a full-blown landfill inferno for her Dirty years. A wannabe 90’s cum storage facility.

Aguilera is now a hundred-and-two-years-old but isn’t letting old age get in the way of her dated and irrelevant brand. I actually saw her perform at Jazz Fest and she sounded okay, but her skill set pretty much stops there, because these modeling pics borderline make Bella Thorne not look like a human diaphragm when she takes to the bathtub. Of course this could also just be Courtney Stodden’s baby pics or a random hooker. Whatever the case, you honestly should probably never look at them ever.

See the NSFW-ish pics HERE

Photo Credit: Instagram

The post Christina Aguilera, Courtney Stodden, Or Random Hooker? appeared first on WWTDD - What Would Tyler Durden Do?.

Open Post: Hosted By Elton John Taking Beads To The Face

No, not anal beads…unless Eminem threw them at him!

Someone at an Elton John concert on Wednesday night didn’t get the memo that Mardi Gras, because someone hurled beads at his face. TMZ says Elton had invited the front row at his Wednesday night performance for his Million Dollar Piano residency at Caesars Palace. You can see at the 5-second mark how the toss happens during “Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting.” The beads whack him in the kisser, and Elton recoils in the same disgusted look of shock that I had the time I accidentally found my brother’s stash of Playboys (fine, it wasn’t an accident…I had heard he had them and Burt Reynolds was in one showing that sexy weasel of a mustache). See? This is why we can’t have nice things.

The whole toss fiasco clearly spooked Elton, as he stopped to check his mouth and make sure nothing had been done. The band kept playing, and you could tell Elton was figuring out if he was going to take the microphone and, to the tune of “Rocket Man,” fist whoever chucked ‘dem beads. After 35 seconds of hemming and hawing, he fired back up again. Alas, he probably remembered he only has 300 performances left with these peasants before he’s spending his afternoons sipping Pimm’s Cups poolside with Elizabeth Hurley.

Pic: YouTube

Lisa Marie Presley Says She’s Seriously Broke And Can’t Pay Her Estranged Husband’s Attorney Fees

Graceland in Memphis is closed today so Lisa Marie Presley can cross the velvet rope and rummage through all the couches and shag carpet in hopes of finding some change…a lot of change. Despite being the heiress to the hip-shaking empire, Elvis Presley’s daughter claims she is in deep debt doo doo to the tune of $16 million.

TMZ says the fiscal fallout news came after Lisa Marie filed documents in her ongoing divorce from Michael Lockwood. She claims she owes over $16 million, with more than $10 million of that coming from unpaid taxes between 2012 and 2015. Lisa Marie also has a house in England that she’s trying to ditch since she defaulted on the mortgage – apparently, that’s another $6 million. The rest of her financial dire straits came from credit card and unpaid attorney bills.

The whole thing comes as Michael wants her to pay $450,000 for his attorney fees, and she’s like, “Bitch, learn to squeeze a penny so hard the buffalo takes a shit.” Lisa Marie’s financial woes came to light last year when she accused her old money managers of decimating her $300 million fortune. She was said to be living rent-free with her daughter, Riley Keough, while her twin daughters stayed with Priscilla Presley.

Considering the fact that I’ll take an Uber four blocks if it’s so much as sprinkling outside, I’m probably not the best person to chat finances with, but this is still a real head-scratcher. Lisa Marie sold off 85% of Elvis Presley Enterprises in 2004 for $100 million, and the estate still brings in $20 million each year. Girl, just put that English estate on Airbnb and get Mama P to let you join her on all those speaking engagements where she talks about her time with Elvis. She can lead the convo with building a fortune, and you can close it by singing “Heart-broke Hotel.

Pic: Wenn.com

Jennifer Aniston And Justin Theroux’s Marriage Died For Good In Mexico

If Jennifer Aniston’s team ever sees this picture, they’re going to make the same face she’s making. Because how could they allow her to be in the same picture as a bottle of water that isn’t SmartWater! She should fire their incompetent asses for that, honestly.

Christmas came 10 months early for tabloid editors yesterday when Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux announced that her second marriage, and his first marriage, is as done as I was about five minutes into Horrible Bosses 2. They said in their statement that they decided to hit the stop button their marriage late last year. In December, they were papped in Cabo San Lucas while vacationing with Jason Bateman and his wife Amanda Anka. UsWeekly says that they took that vacation, hoping that the cracks in their marriage would get filled with the fuck juices they’d squirt out while having tequila-fueled Band-Aid sex. But as everyone knows, that didn’t happen.

A source says that Amanda Anka is a regular Dr. Jenn, because she’s been working to save Jennifer and Justin’s marriage and pushed them to take a trip to Cabo to SAVE THEIR CRUMBLING MARRIAGE! Amanda thought that the trip might make their genitals coo out her dad’s song You Are My Destiny to each other, but instead they left singing It’s Time To Cry.

“Jason Bateman’s wife convinced Justin to go to Cabo. She has been the mediator in recent months, trying to get Jen and Justin to work through their problems and save their marriage. The Cabo trip was a make or break vacation for Jen and Justin. They went away with their friends hoping to have fun and work on it.

The guys and girls hung out separately in Mexico. It didn’t work.”

According to other sources, the only way their marriage could’ve been saved is if Amanda pulled some witchcraft shit and found a way to possess the body of Jennifer Aniston with that of a NYC-loving edgy hipster, or possess the body of Justin Theroux with that of a Hollywood lover. Sources tell Page Six, People, TMZ and E! News that Jennifer loves Hollywood while Justin loves NYC. Page Six’s source spit this out.

“They realized they couldn’t make things work. He’s been living in New York, she’s been in LA. After they got married, they just realized that they were two very different people. He’s really bored by her whole Hollywood crowd, and she’s not into his edgy, arty scene.”

E!’s source says that Jennifer is more of a “recluse” (HAHAHA) and that Justin likes to be in the scene, but they thought their intense love for each other would outweigh their lifestyle differences.

As for Jennifer’s $200 million fortune, a source tells UsWeekly that Justin isn’t going to get much of it. They apparently signed an “ironclad prenup” that keeps him from touching her assets and Friends money. TMZ’s source says that they haven’t hired divorce lawyers yet. They might follow the new trend in celebrity divorces by settling their money and property shit with help from their business managers before filing the divorce documents in court. That way all of the fighting and messiness stays behind closed doors.

And it could get extra messy, because if Jennifer’s like me, she’d fight for daily visitations rights of Justin’s pet crotch snake. But then again, Jennifer might not put up a fight as long as Justin agrees to take full custody of two-week-old crusty cum rag Terry Richardson.

Pic: Wenn.com

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