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Afternoon Crumbs

If Susan Powter starred in a no-budget community theater production of Hello Dolly! and all the costumes were made using castoffs from local child beauty pageant queens, it still wouldn’t look nearly as messy as the shit Katy Perry wore to an amfAR gala last night. Katy’s got so many feathers, rhinestones and taffeta on her that I’m sure a memaw browsed her after mistaking her for a bin at Michael’s – Lainey Gossip

Fuck this shit, I’m totally boycotting the Ritz-Carlton, and yes I’m boycotting it because of this homophobic racism, and not because I can’t afford a room there – Towleroad

A crazy mom of a mess went on a deranged rant about childless couples at Disneyland, specifically a cunt in some very slutty shorts who bought a Mickey pretzel that her son wanted. Good god girl get a grip, you could’ve asked me to give your kid my Mickey pretzel. No, I wouldn’t have given it to him, but I would’ve loved to laugh in his crying face before skipping off in my very slutty shorts – Pajiba

This is more entertaining than the trailer for the Queen biopic – SOW

Here she is, Miss Reynolds Wrap 2018Popoholic

Rest in peace, moon goddess Lois Aldrin who is now twirling through the universe – The Blast

Pic: Backgrid

Britney Spears “Announced” Her Vegas Return, And People Weren’t Feeling It

The night the lights went out a Planet Hollywood for Britney Spears, every drunk gal with dreams of a basic bitch weekend in Las Vegas (aka me) wondered how could life go on knowing we would never have the opportunity to play slots, get hammered, and belt out “Lucky” in the presence of the actual “singer” of the song. Well, those dreams were restored last night when Brit Brit finally gave official acknowledgement to what we’ve known all along: she’s just moving her show across the Strip to the Park Theater at the Park MGM. The way she announced it, though, had some people wanting her to gimme gimme more. Sorry, I just had to.

Billboard says Britney’s Domination. show will launch in February of next year, and the whole thing was livestreamed on Ellen DeGeneres’ YouTube channel. Tickets go on sale next week, and Britney had one of her handlers tweet out the official deets:

Things get a little debatable over Billboard claiming the announcement involved Britney “mingled with fans” because some reports say how GREAT it was, and others say all she did was mingle with her hair while people cheered the sight of her after enduring a long-ass promo video. People says the whole thing was “over-the-top” because that’s what Britney’s team told them to. Trucks emblazoned with “BRITNEY” were clogging the Strip, fans in Britney merchandise chased the trucks all the way to the Park Theater, and video projections of Britney and her most iconic performances were blasted on the side of the hotel. Forbes reporter Hugh McIntyre was there and said the announcement about an announcement on Ellen last week should have been our first clue this was going to be a disaster.

Hugh says the 28-minute spectacle was hosted by Ellen correspondent Kalen Allen, and it was about 27.95 minutes too long. The promo video projection was capped with fireworks, smoke, and Brit Brit. There she was! Finally on stage! Smiling like she just got a bowl of cheesy grits! And then she did…abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Hugh said Britney waved, played with her hair, and then walked down some steps from the stage and past her fans and drove off.

I mean, at least when Madonna is worn down and launches her own Vegas residency, she’ll at least try to dry hump half the younger fans in the audience before sucking the life out of them. Now THAT’S audience interaction! Britney’s fans get jack shit! Eh, there’s still her self-tousling and a wave. That’s still more than they got during the Blackout years! Check out more from last night’s “announcement” in the gallery below:


Open Post: Hosted By What Banksy’s Paper Shredder Stunt Should Have Looked Like

Earlier this month, the 2006 painting “Girl With Balloon” by Banksy was sold at auction in London for $1.4 million. But instead of a Sotheby’s employee taking the painting down, the painting took itself down when it spontaneously began to shred itself through the bottom of its frame. Banksy ha ha ha‘d at home while rich people looked on in a frozen state of horror as the painting dissolved into ribbons before stopping about halfway. It wasn’t known why Banksy chose to shred just the lower half of the painting. But we now know Banksy had some trolling trouble, and that frame was supposed to shred the whole thing.

Banksy recently released a director’s cut video of the making of the shredding frame, as well as footage from the auction. Banksy notes in the video that the frame worked perfectly every time they rehearsed it in the studio. At the 2:39 mark you can see the test picture slide straight through like spaghetti through the pasta attachment for a Kitchen Aid stand mixer. Honestly Banksy, next time use the pasta attachment, those things are fool proof.

It’s kind of a good thing the stunt fucked up halfway through. That way you’re left with a janky frame and half a shredded painting hanging out of it, and who wants that? If it had worked, you’d be left with what could be considered a complete Banksy art installation, and you know all those rich art snobs would have jumped on that. “Okay, item 68 – a pile of shredded ribbons that used to be a Banksy painting. We’ll start the bidding at $1.5 million…

Pic: YouTube

Kim Kardashian Says That Kanye West Has Made Her A More Private Person

Don’t hate me. I am but a humble servant to the news. The following post may be triggering for some. There are people involved that may inspire feelings of rage, doom, nausea, and eye-roll strain. Ok, here it goes. Kim Kardashian West went on Alec Baldwin’s new talk show and talked about how being with Kanye West has made her a more private person. Meanwhile, her naked ass is featured in the latest issue of the erotica magazine Richardson (not THAT one, but might as well be. Terry Richardson is a frequent contributor). Now, I’m going to summarize Kim’s thoughts on “privacy” and show you pictures of her naked body. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

According to People, Kim said on The Alec Baldwin Show (why, God, why), that husband Kanye West has completely changed her views on privacy. How’s that now? Well, before Kanye (BK), Kim used to always be looking for ways to draw attention to herself.

“We would get our hair and makeup done after we filmed the show. Then it was like…’what is the hottest restaurant in Hollywood? Where can I go? Where can I be seen? Who is there? What are they doing? Who is there?”

Yes, Kim. I too would like to know “who is there”? Has KKW ever asked a more prescient, self-reflective question? She continued:

“Everything had to be public for me back then,” she added.

“Now it’s, where can I go on vacation where nobody will see us? All I want is privacy. I never thought that I would be at that point,” she said.

Much to the consternation of jewel thieves everywhere I’m sure. I’m sorry, but didn’t we just see pictures of Kanye and Kim on vacation? Why yes we did, it was when she was telling us about family planning schedule.

But thanks to Kanye and his desperate quest for privacy, Kim has turned a new leaf. Who needs trendy restaurants when you have children you can use for props!

And titties you can use for props!

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Chanel vintage, lets please be specific

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on

And speaking of titties, here’s Kim’s Richardson A9 cover. And yes, her face looks straight-up like Lady Gaga’s from the other night.

And here are all the private parts that lie within.

If this is “private Kim“, imagine the terrible secrets she’s too prudent to divulge.


Dame Judi Dench Will Play Old Deuteronomy In The “Cats” Movie

Hollywood is currently making a film about a large group of cats, and I wish deep down in my soul it was about Bella Thorne’s 19 cats, but it’s not. Of course we’re talking about the upcoming film adaptation of the musical Cats, which has added another member to the cast. Idris Elba will most likely play Macavity (has anyone made a “I’d let him bust one up in ma’cavity” joke yet?). Although it was also reported he could be playing Old Deuteronomy. That’s not going to happen, because Deadline says the part is going to Dame Judi Dench.

The character’s name is legitimately Old Deuteronomy, and he’s the wise, ancient leader of the cats. It was rumored that Sir Ian McKellen would play Old Deuteronomy, which would make sense, because he’s also on the older side and because Deuteronomy is a man cat. But in the film adaptation, they’re gender-flipping the character and making him a lady cat. Who Sir Ian is playing now is anyone’s guess.

Dame Judi has sort of had previous experience with Cats. In 1981 she was cast as Grizabella in the original West End production, but she busted her Achilles’ tendon before previews and had to pull out. I just hope that Dame Judi didn’t come with too many conditions this time around. Like that they come up with something for her poor, out of work friend Kevin Spacey. “I’m sorry Dame Judi, but we can’t write you in a creepy weasel sidekick.


Busy Philips Is Upset That Everybody Is Focused On The James Franco Portion Of Her Book

The only Busy book I will be reading is Busy, Busy, World by Richard Scarry. That other Busy book, This Will Only Hurt A Little by Busy Phillips, is not on my reading list. Why should I bother, the only part I’m interested in, how James Franco is a dick, has already been widely covered. That’s good for me, but Busy isn’t too happy about it. She recently appeared on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen and bemoaned the fact that the James Franco story is all anybody wants to focus on in her book.

The incident, where James Franco reportedly pushed Busy to the ground and screamed at her for daring to touch his precious face on the set of Freaks and Geeks, happened a long time ago. And Busy casually mentioned it on WWHL back in 2016 so thought nothing of putting it in the book. But that was before The Wreckoning. Now that James Franco is on a number of #metoo shit lists, of course stories of him being an asshole brute on set are going to connect! Busy must have known this, but instead of taking the “W” in terms of book sales and publicity, she’s complaining that nobody wants to talk about her kids’ stuffed animals or whatever the hell else her book is about. Of Franco getting all the attention, Busy said (via Vulture):

“It really bummed me out because I felt like, I’m a woman in this industry who wrote a very personal book about my experiences in life and in this industry, and the headlines were all about a man. I was like, that was my point the whole time.”

Busy also posted on Instagram about her issues with not being respected as an author in a Hollywood Reporter interview.

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I sat with the @hollywoodreporter last week to discuss my book This Will Only Hurt A Little and my new late night talk show @busytonighttv and the link is in my profile if you care to read. They initially had a clickbait headline that’s now been changed and I’m glad for that. On that note, my book is 308 pages, not one paragraph. The Franco story is used to illustrate a larger point about the way women are treated in this business and in life. There are no "allegations" and no "accusations". It's a story that I have been telling for years. James apologized. I accepted. And I still get to tell it because it fucking happened to me. Here's a quote from the Hollywood Reporter article, "In the book, you get into how James Franco was difficult to work with on the set of Freaks and Geeks. Busy: It wasn't even outrageous. At the time, 19 and with my first professional acting job, I was under the impression that this was just the way things were. James and I have talked about it over the years. At one point he apologized to me. I was always acutely aware of my expendability, and so I felt I needed to never complain, always show up on time and not be difficult. If someone else was being difficult, it was my job to be the easy one or figure out a way to soothe the situation." Sending you light and love, bbs. ❤ Also. The pictures are REALLY PRETTY.❤

A post shared by Busy Philipps (@busyphilipps) on

Look, I don’t want to talk about James Franco ad nauseam either. So I’ll give Busy what she wants. Here’s a promo for her new TV show called Busy Tonight. I’ve got to warm her though, I don’t think she’s going to like what I have to say about this either.

This candy-colored basic mommy with an “edge” thing is just not my bag. If this is what her show is like, I’m pretty sure her book’s not for me either. What’s the opposite of “Yaaas!”? Is it, “It’s a no for me, dog”? If so, then that.

Here’s Busy on WWHL discussing her issues with the coverage of her book.

Pic: YouTube

Prince Hot Ginge Went To The Beach… Fully Clothed 

So, let’s recap. Duchess Meghan and Prince Hot Ginge just had to smother our faces with the fact that they’re having lots of raw dogging fun by announcing that an heir has moved into her womb (or “Official Heir-Producing Property of the Royal Family” as THE QUEEN calls it). And then during their Australian tour, they further smothered our faces with their love by getting into all sorts of public displays of affection that can easily be labeled as: Goddammit, get a room already, haven’t we been through enough?!!!! Us crazed HotGingeopaths bravely dealt their heart-stabbing antics, because we thought that maybe just maybe PHG would throw us a ginger bone. Kind of like how Prince William assumed the position during a photo-op. Although, Willy could’ve kept that.

So loins probably tingled when PHG and Duchess Meghan paid a visit to Bondi Beach in Sydney today. Everything I know about Bondi Beach I learned from the nipple-hardening pictures of Hugh Jackman running around all hot and shirtless with his hot (and shirtless) trainer. So I figured that it was a law that all hot pieces must be topless when on Bondi Beach. But I guess not, because PHG showed up dressed like Jerry from accounting at a conference in Honolulu. A sad moment for us desperate pathetic hos who were hoping to be blinded by his glorious ginger nipples and blinding #FFFFFF hex color code body.

After getting lei’d (damn the person who gets to say they lei’d PHG), PHG and Meghan took part in an event to promote mental health awareness. The event, called Fluro Friday, brings out all kinds of people who sit in an “anti-bad vibe circle” and talk about their experiences with mental health. Before getting into the circle, one of the participants, Charlotte Connell, told Sky News that Meghan told her about doing prenatal yoga.

“Meghan told me that pregnancy was like having jet lag. She said she was up at 4:30 a.m. this morning doing yoga in her room as she couldn’t sleep.”

Oh, I see you, Duchess Meghan. Early morning prenatal yoga? Uh huh, more like early morning pregnant sex! The smothering of their love in our faces never ends.

Here’s more of Meghan and PHG on Bondi Beach, and yes, I’m choosing to believe that everyone looked at him like, “For why is he dressed like a suburban dad with an L.L. Bean credit card on Casual Friday at work?”


Canned Tuna

Guess The Sexy Handbra (TMZ)
Justin Bieber And Hailey Baldwin Were Seen House Hunting At Demi Lovato’s Place (DLISTED)

Porn Star Kim K Is F%cking Disgusting (TooFab)
Emma Stone Unleashes Her Drop Dead Sexy Little Curves And Booty! (Popoholic)

Bella Thorne Tongue Action (MoeJackson)

Demi Rose And Her Big Boobies (WWTDD)
Alessandra Ambrosio’s Sweet Tight Body (Egotastic)

Super Hot Redhead (TMZ)

Kendall Jenner Is Pissed At TMZ For Revealing Where She Lives

Even though it’s likely the Kardashian-Jenner’s DNA is made up almost exclusively of molecules that thrive on attention, there is still some attention that is unwanted, and that’s the kind you get from a stalker. Kendall Jenner has recently been dealing with a stalker who broke into her home multiple times. No thanks to TMZ, who Kendall says has been blasting her home address all over the internet.

TMZ posted a story yesterday about a 37-year-old Canadian man named John Ford who has been obsessively stalking Kendall. John Ford was arrested last month after he broke into the gated community where Kendall lives. TMZ channeled their inner StarMaps by pointing out that Kendall lives in the same neighborhood as Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Charlie Sheen, and Christina Aguilera. John Ford reportedly scaled the mountain behind Kendall’s home and trespassed onto her property. But how did he know exactly which house was hers? Oh, probably because TMZ published a gallery of pictures of her house shortly after she bought it in October 2017. But in TMZ’s defense, so did many other sites and that info is public.

On Tuesday, John Ford was arrested at Kendall’s house after he was found sitting on her porch. He was held on a 5150 hold at a Los Angeles hospital. A psychiatrist deemed him mentally stable and released him on Wednesday. On Thursday, he was spotted by her security team hanging out by her pool. He ran off once he realized he had been seen, and was later arrested and held on $30,000 bail. TMZ posted a video after John’s arrest, which showed the mountains and hills behind Kendall’s home.

Police tell TMZ today that he can’t be held for very long, because he was only charged with misdemeanor criminal trespass. The maximum time he could serve is 6 months, but police sources say that due to overcrowding, he’d probably be released within hours. He can’t be deported back to Canada, because he hasn’t been charged with a violent felony.

Sources say that Kendall has increased security, and a fence is being installed behind her house. She’s also reportedly obtaining a restraining order against John Ford. Again, due to overcrowding, if John violates the restraining order, he could be in and out in a matter of hours.

Kendall hissed TMZ and re-tweeted the article with her house in it:

More security is a great idea. But the best security of all would be to set Kris Jenner up in Kendall’s backyard on a lawn. No security guards or packs of rottweilers are a match for the fear a man feels when Kris floats towards him with a contract and pen and whispers, “Trust me, there’s no life-ruining curse, I promise.


Meet Jade Grobler And Her Juicy Booty

Meet 20-year-old Australian booty queen Jade Grobler. I guess she found her life’s work and that is posting her sweet bubble butt on Instagram. I think she’ll have a very long career. I look forward to seeing that ass on the daily.

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