If you asked Kathy Griffin or anybody else who has backstage stories about “the realEllen DeGeneres, they’d tell you that she shouldn’t be a multiple Daytime Emmy winner for Best Talk Show Host. She should be a multiple Daytime Emmy winner for Best Actress, because the sugar-coated sweetheart of niceness she plays on her talk show Ellen is far from the real Ellen who can make Satan cry for his mommy and cause the Grinch to squirt out real tears with just one extra-sharpened shank eye. Ellen did an interview with The New York Times to promote her Netflix stand-up special and admitted that she plays a nice-ified version of herself for the retiree, stay-at-home mom and unemployed crowd, but says that the stories about her being an ice cold demon from the Ninth Circle to her employees is as laughable as my mom saying, “I think Ellen’s a great dancer!

Ellen DeGeneres reportedly makes $50 million a year to do Ellen, and she tells the NYT that when her contract was up a couple of years ago, she nearly turned down all that beautiful MONAY! She eventually signed on and her show will go on until at least 2020. But Ellen is thinking of quitting after that. Ellen’s brother pushed her to extend because he says in the time of Trump we need a unifying voice. Ellen’s wife, Portia de Rossi, however, thinks she should walk away from that endless ATM of a daytime talk show and use her talents for more creative shit. Um, I know that Ellen will never have to worry about money even if she leaves her show, but let’s say that the money does dry up, Portia will have to give up her rich wife art project and go back to working. Think about that, Portia!

Ellen is thinking of leaving her show, because the muscles that operate her smile are getting tired and she sometimes feels like a robot who is expected to be nice and dance. Tig Notaro, who co-directed Ellen’s Netflix special, says that Ellen is trapped in a box of being nice, and the real Ellen actually lets curse words slip out of her mouth. Ellen agrees that she plays a part when getting in front of daytime TV cameras:

DeGeneres put it another way, emphasizing the kind of expression stand-up allows. “I wanted to show all of me,” she said. “The talk show is me, but I’m also playing a character of a talk-show host. There’s a tiny, tiny bit of difference.”

And as for the stories from anonymous members of the EDPP (Ellen DeGeneres Protection Program) who say that she turns employees into statues of ash with the balls of fire that she shoots out of her mouth, she says the rumors about her being a boss from hell aren’t true.

“That bugs me if someone is saying that because it’s an outright lie,” she said. “The first day I said: ‘The one thing I want is everyone here to be happy and proud of where they work, and if not, don’t work here.’ No one is going to raise their voice or not be grateful. That’s the rule to this day.”

Okay….. but I doubt Ellen is going to leave her show in 2020. It feeds her banks account and feeds her dark side. I mean, sure she has to be all wholesome and nice and act like she cares about the shit she talks about, but she can satisfy her evil desires by cackling as she scares the bowels out of people:

If Ellen really is going to give that up, then I’m sure the Boogeyman, Pennywise, Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, and the Babadook will gladly take care her place.

Pic: Wenn.com