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Almost exactly a year ago Britney Spears documented a case of the Christmas runs on Instagram, and it was actually… good? Maybe? I truly can’t tell, but I can tell that this new video is not. Because it’s great! Just kidding it’s weird. This time around, Spears’ rendition of White Christmas is distorted into a high-pitched shriek thanks to the ubiquitous mentally handicapped reindeer Insta filter everyone’s using. It really is all just for laughs, and we should be happy that Spears escaped her managers long enough to have some fun on her iPhone. And for that matter, we should be happy that they finally upgraded her to a real phone versus her previous one. “Yes Diego, it’s me again, please save me from this hell.”
Photo Credit: Instagram
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No filmmaker in history has, for better or worse, turned into the skid quite like M. Night Shyamalan. Several terrible movies in a row—The Village, Lady in the Water, The Happening, The Last Airbender, After Earth—should have sunk his career, but thanks to the modest success of his low budget 2015 movie The Visit, he got a second chance to continue the modern superhero/supervillain saga that began with 2000’s Unbreakable.
2017’s Split was a covert sequel to the Bruce Willis/Sam Jackson vehicle, and now those stars team up with Split‘s James McAvoy for Glass, the trilogy closer we’ve been waiting 19 years for. While it looks like Shyamalan is leaning into the ridiculousness of his concept, I’m still not quite convinced this is where he pictured all of this heading from the very beginning.
I’m also concerned about the fact that Bruce Willis hasn’t given a shit on screen in decades. Without McAvoy, Split would’ve been a decently entertaining movie, but he turned it into something more. With Jackson back in the fold, I have no doubt that Bruce Willis will have to try acting this time out, as he’ll be very quickly overshadowed if he doesn’t.
Glass opens in theaters across North America on January 18, 2019.
There are some of you that have been devout practitioners of the “stop making stupid people famous” religion for quite some time. Well, now it looks like you’re finally getting a return on those tithes. If you’re a decent human being, it can be hard figuring out why winning the #TidePodChallenge leads to social media stardom instead of the slow death Darwin award like it did pre-Instagram. Three shitty celebrities-turned-sleuths have done some snooping around to figure these strange occurrences out and deliver their take a la documentary style.
“The American Meme” premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival earlier this year and hit the Netflix streaming platform on Friday. The documentary explores the implications of garnering success via social media and features the likes of Paris Hilton, DJ Khaled, and Hailey Baldwin. It also follows “social media influencers” – Hilton, Josh Ostrovsky, Brittany Furlan, and Kirill Bichutsky – as they “hustle to build empires out of their online footprints, redefining the paradigm for the American Dream.”
I guess they invited those three because low-tier celebrities and top-tier social media influencers operate on the same talentless wavelengths. I would place the blame on social media celebrities, but it’s the audience’s fault for taking seriously a 36-year-old man whose claim to fame is shitposting memes and calling himself “The Fat Jew.” I remember when being out of shape and Jewish actually required some skill before being able to be considered famous. The Fat Jew being “famous” is a spit in Jason Alexander’s face. Imagine eating Jerry Sienfeld’s scraps as a side character for years just to be surpassed by someone on social media in months. The bar for being famous is so low these days. It seems all it takes is a nice ass or appropriated meme in addition to a few thousand followers and all of sudden Katie Couric cares about the things you have to say.
Photo Credit: MEGA / Splash News / Backgrid USA
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Considering that we have over three million teachers in the United States, and that it’s a demanding, demoralizing shit bucket of a job, and that all you have to do to secure a teaching position is fall through the cracks of society, it should be no surprise that a couple teachers out there are complete wackos. This brings us to Margaret Gieszinger, a teacher in Visalia, CA who had a full-blown mental breakdown in class. To the point that Heather Locklear would find it cringe-worthy. And it was caught on video. Dark Web Jesus, you’ve done it again.
Ms. G, as her students call her, started class by waving around a pair of scissors while demanding a student tribute. A boy took one for the team – with most of the class assuming this was still some sort of teacher joke – before Ms. G began belting out the Star Spangled Banner and chucking locks of the boy’s hair across the room. When she demanded a second student for Crazy Cutz, the whole class ran out of the room screaming like Ms. G was a school shooter. Give her five more minutes and she probably was going to be.
But five minutes Ms. G did not have, as she was arrested for “…battery, assault, cruelty to a child, and false imprisonment.” She now could spend up to three and a half years behind bars, and has been banned from teaching. Her husband had this to say:
It’s a shock to me, that’s out of her character. She doesn’t do stuff like that. It’s not her. It’s not who she is. So I don’t know what was going on with her. I don’t have any clue as to why she did that.
He seems to forget the time she was suspended in 2016 for “immoral or unprofessional conduct.” When times get tough, just remember that you can always watch this video of a teacher having a psychotic meltdown in class. Fucking glorious.
What is the world is going on in CA? Margaret Gieszinger a high school teacher in Visalia, CA was arrested on suspicion of felony child endangerment after forcibly cutting the hair of one of her students#MAGA#liberalismisamentaldisorder pic.twitter.com/L48vCx6nMW
— Jojoh888 (@jojoh888) December 7, 2018
Photo Credit: Twitter