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Trista Mikail Gets Wet And Wild In Sexy Car Wash Photo Shoot

I love women who know how to keep things clean. It’s a full-time job keeping the car spotless. I myself sometimes have a hard time washing in-between all of those crevasses and fall victim to missing a spot or two. But not Trista Mikail. I can tell by just looking at her that she’s a professional expert at the art of washing cars. She makes it look easy and attractive. Never in my life have I had close to the amount of fun that it looks like Trista is having. I almost consider cleaning my vehicle to be a chore of sorts. Maybe if I invited her over she could show me how to make the best out of it.

I see Trista is also prepared to visit the beach after wiping down her vehicle. She owns a bikini and a car like that was made for cruising the shoreline. I’d love to come with. I promise I wouldn’t take up too much room and I could curate the perfect playlist of acceptable tunes to get everyone in the beach mood. She’ll probably fall in love with me after Surfin USA is followed Kokomo. Because a smart beautiful woman can’t resist a man who knows his music.

Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA

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Vanderpump Girl Says Scorsese Is A Fan

Lala Kent is in la la land when it comes to almost anything in life. She believes Martin Scorsese, the same man responsible for some pretty decent cinema, enjoys watching Vanderpump Rules in his off time. It sounds so crazy that it almost makes sense. Like how male CEOs of large companies are more often than not secretly into BDSM. Sometimes after giving directions out all day you wish to experience the same subservience as your employees. With the addition of pegging, some spitting, and caning to really make you feel like you’re no longer Mr. Always In Control. So maybe Scorsese watches Vanderpump to lose control and get off. Lala is worth a wank or two if you’re a man wanting to switch up the pace from all of that unlimited porn available on the internet.

Kent’s wild claims about Scorsese:

“Martin Scorsese loves the show,” Kent, 28, told host Andy Cohen.

“Are you s—-ing me?” costar Stassi Schroeder, incredulous, asked.

“We inspire his works,” Tom Sandoval joked.

If her claim is true, Scorsese would join A-listers like Jennifer Lawrence, Chrissy Teigen and Rihanna.

It’s also possible that Lala’s a lying sack of filthy laundry. She making a random claim without supplying any proof and in the process degrading the name of a well respected man. If I was Martin I would be shouting Me Too right about now. Who wants to be accused of being an avid Vanderpump viewer. No one in their right state of mind openly admits to enjoying that show lest they be labeled an inferior human being who takes delight in terrible entertainment.

Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA

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Actress Kristin Cavallari Soaks Up The Sunshine In A Skimpy Bikini

Who did I need to suck off back when I was in high school on order to get a reality show based around my life? That’s right, Kristin, we have not forgotten that you had your start on MTV starring in a show that plagued my teen years. She may think she can live the quiet life of a professional athlete’s wife, but we all know the real reason why we know her name.

And to think, had she been born one year earlier she would be another Jane Doe that you could pass by on the street. She would be a very hot Jane Doe and one that I would fantasize about later, but a Jane Doe nonetheless.

What if I had been born in a different year, and went to a different school? Maybe I could have been the star of a high school reality show and then the rest of my life would be different. Or maybe I would have been better suited for the role of the best friend given how dull my love life was back then. Just think of all the great and productive members of our society who had their starts on shows like that. There are so many that I cannot even come up with a single name right now.

 

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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Lusty Babe Melissa Casta Bambi’s Sexy See-Through Thong Candids

It’s interesting that the name of the babe I’m most infatuated with at the moment happens to be Melissa Casta. Because her beauty, body, and attractive face has casta spell on me. I can’t look away or pay attention to anything or anyone else when I see her. Obviously there’s some kind of magic going on here. I’m not saying that this woman is a witch but she sure knows a trick or two. And her managing to care enough to bring her small canine friend is a plus in my book. Only a truly kind woman would bring her dog to the beach. She knows that no puppy should be left behind when there’s fun to be had. Melissa is seductive and selfless, it’s everything I ever wanted in a woman.

Maybe Melissa should contemplate about bringing me the next time she’s at the shore. I can be the person to make sure that both her and her animal are 100 percent dry after a swim. Like an official caretaker with a towel. I would eventually become invaluable to her beach experience. So much so that she would be forced to bring me along every time.

Photo Credit: Splash News / Instagram 

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Hofit Golan Gorgeous Little Bikini Out For A Sexy Swim With Her Friend

Israeli socialite Hofit Golan has one of those names that, when you say it out loud, it sounds like you’re mispronouncing something in another language. Whether you’ve got a New York accent, a Midwest accent, a Southern accent, or standard Mid-American one, it’s a name that sounds like you’re butchering the actual name of something else.

While I may not be big on her name, I can’t deny that Hofit here has an amazing rack. I mean, damn, that’s a great pair, and she knows how to pick out a bikini that nicely accentuates what are, arguably, her best assets.

I must also admit that the term “Israeli socialite” also sounds like an oxymoron, like “American genius” or “British pussy inspector.” It just doesn’t add up to me, but then again, I don’t know much about Israeli nightlife, other than clubs get blown up a lot by extremists. It’s gotta be tough to get your socialite game off the ground when all of the hot spots in town are literally on fire.

Nevertheless, I’m glad that Hofit is stepping out and showing off her spectacular breasts. I wouldn’t mind hitting up a Tel Aviv discotheque with her, that’s for sure!

Photo Credit: Splash News

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Former ‘Bachelor’ Star Ashley Iaconetti Pimping Vegas Slots In Sultry, Sheer Little Dress

The way they keep shoveling these god damned Bachelor and Bachelorette seasons at us, it’s hard to keep up with everyone that’s ever appeared on the show. I have no idea what season Ashley Iaconetti appeared on, but after seeing her in this cleavage-y number, I’m curious to go back and see who beat her out that season.

Holy crap, she appeared on the show three different times. I realize I should have done that before starting this article, but now that I know, you deserve to know as well. That’s absolutely insane. You’d think after two unsuccessful tries, they wouldn’t have brought her back for a third, but sure enough, she appeared on The Bachelor, The Bachelor Winter Games, and Bachelor in Paradise.

How the hell do you people who watch this show keep it all straight? I mean, I’m sure it’s the same differences as all of the Law & Order series, but honestly, how do you keep up? Why do you keep up? Is it to see women like Ashley looking desperate for a man? That seems like a pretty decent recent to tune in week after week, but you could also wait for articles like this to help make your dreams come true. It’s up to you.

Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA

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Claudia Romani and Melissa Lori Rub Sunscreen On Each Other’s Bikini Bodies

Just what exactly do Claudia and Melissa think they are doing by flaunting that level of sexiness on the beach? Do they not know that they have to have a permit to openly carry something like that in public? It is all right, I will let it slide this one time, but if I catch them doing it again then they could find themselves in the back of my vehicle.

I am not a cop, I just have a paneled van that could be useful in this scenario.

These two have to realize what they are doing to all of the wandering eyes at the beach. I refuse to believe that they are so enthralled in their own sure to vapid conversation that they do not know. Why else would they leave the dry and clean surface of their beach chair to instead kneel in the sand? In sand! One of the worst substances known to man.

Personally, I am all for the continued testing of nuclear weapons because they usually take place in deserts. That means with every bomb dropped we get one step closer to ridding this world of these sorry excuses for stones.

 

Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA

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Adriana Lima Shows Some Skin In Glamorous Red Carpet Look

It is hard for me to understand that a woman like Adriana Lima is possible in this world. She falls within the ridiculously good looking category of people and yet somehow seems to be a decent person despite this. I know that it might seem like I have a binary view of the world, but that is because I do. The world needs order and if attractive people can be as down to earth as ugly people then the scales get tipped to an unsafe degree. We cannot have them all learning multiple languages and giving back to charity.

Adriana claims she never even intended to be a model. Adriana. Her. The woman with a face that is the sole reason why we even have faces. She only entered into a modeling contest because her friend did not want to enter alone.

This makes me wonder how many other beauties have been lost to obscurity because they lacked the drive to have their body plastered all over the world? Adriana grew up in Brazil. Without that needy friend she might have ended up as a professional conga dancer, or whatever it is that Brazilians do for money, and we could have never seen her. How many others are damned to dance their tushies away on a conga line, never to be appreciated by the masses?

 

Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA

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Instagram 7: Justin Timberlake, Madonna, Ansel Elgort and more

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Ryan Gosling gets Wired

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Meghan Markle joined Prince Harry at the opening of Invictus Games

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