Alison Brie, Danica Patrick, and All The Hottest Red Carpet Arrivals At The ESPY Awards

Last night’s ESPY Awards may be making headlines thanks to a disastrous performance by host Danica Patrick, but thankfully she and a host of other hot celebs and athletes made up for it with a red hot red carpet display of sexiness! It was a veritable who’s who of who’s hot in the world of sports, with a smattering of hot Hollywood stars thrown in for good measure.

Leading the charge of Hollywood hotties representing last night were GLOW star Alison Brie, who’s plunging neckline showed off plenty of captivating cleavage! However, Eiza González, Olivia Holy, Draya Michele, and Jessica Szohr were also on hand to steal at least some of the focus.

There were also plenty of smoking hot babes there representing the wide world of sports, including Nature Boy Ric Flair’s daughter Charlotte, NHRA drag racer Brittany Force, foxy fitness gurus Denise and Katie Austin, NFL Network beauty Taylor Bisciotti, and Mallory Edens, daughter of Milwaukee Bucks owner Wesley.

So whether you like your babes getting sweaty on the court or steamy on the screen, there’s no denying that there was a little bit of something for everyone to enjoy last night. Some awards were handed out as well, from what I’ve been told, though I have yet to see any confirmation of this fact.

[Danica Patrick Will Make You Love Yoga]

Photo Credit: Splash News 

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Marissa Jade Bikini Perfection Poolside In Paris

If there’s one woman that makes my heart go ooh la la every time, it’s Marissa Jade. Especially when she’s wearing her best next to a pool in Paris. Oui oui and more yes yes please. If Paris is the city of love, I need to make an appointment to see her so we can fall into it together. I’m already convinced that I’m in love with her so I’ve done my half of the job. I just need to help her realize that I’m the right man for her. She looks like a woman that likes to travel a lot. I’m a man that loves to carry luggage. We would practically be a dream team.

The best part about being in the presence of a person like Marissa is that it’s impossible to run out of nice things to say about her. I’m willing to bet she’s a better sight to stare at than seeing the Eiffel Tower at night. There really is no comparison when it comes to the Marissa’s absolutely flawless architecture. Sacre bleu, mon dieu, and every French exclamation of excitement would have to be held back after seeing such a perfect sculpture up close. France may have just won the World Cup, but the real winner is the lucky man arm in arm with Jade on a romantic Parisian night.

[Catch Up On The Sexiest Stars Of Mob Wives Right Here]

Photo Credit: Splash News

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Scrapped Heathers Film Adaptation Goes International After School Shooting Craze

Pay no attention to Janie because Christian Slater’s got a gun. And he’s the reason why the Heathers film, now turned into a series, won’t be seeing a stateside release. The Paramount network planned on releasing a full 10 episodes worth of first season when it came to a rehashed Heathers project, but that was before the Parkland shooting. Who knew that at least one side effect of a school shooting could be positive. An angel gets its wings every time a Hollywood reboot is canned. Unfortunately, Paramount was only putting up a front and refused to lose money over crisis actors, conspiracy theorist, and outcast kids treating their classmates like the opposing team in a Call of Duty Kill Confirmed match. The finished project’s release was only partially canceled. A few places that matter outside of America, in addition to some randos that don’t, still get to see all 10 episodes without an issue.

Jason Micallef’s series adaptation of the ’80s cult classic was delayed and eventually scrapped by the fledgling Viacom network last month. Featuring suicides by several high school students and the destruction of a school building, the show was deemed too controversial to air on the ad-supported network in the weeks following the mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. In a statement, the Viacom network said its decision to hit the pause button in the series was “right thing to do.”

It will instead air on HBO or its streaming service in Bosnia and Herzegovina, Bulgaria, Croatia, Czech Republic, Hungary, Kosovo, Macedonia, Moldova, Montenegro, Poland, Romania, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Denmark, Finland, Norway, Sweden, Spain, Andorra, Portugal, Angola, Cape Verde, Guinea Bissau, Mozambique, Sao Tome & Principe.

So I’m going to guess school shootings are a First World problem. Maybe Sasha Cohen was onto to something with giving kids guns. Because when you reside in a country where you’ve been a child soldier using an AK-47 longer than you’ve been able to form full sentences, random acts of violence aren’t that random. They’re the norm. Some celebrity waving a gun in school setting wouldn’t offend too many people from the list of places where the Heathers series release is being made available.

Photo Credit: Getty Images / Mr. Skin 

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Amy Schumer Red Hot Bikini Pics

For 25 years we’ve been doing dumb shit together.

A post shared by @ amyschumer on

[Scroll through pics]


Well well well well well. Factoring in the positive comments from our latest Ashley Graham post, it would appear that after widdling away your taste and dignity by covering WWTDD superstars such as Tess Holiday and Inbred Trash Face, you’ve finally joined the woke world. Big is beautiful. Scratch that. The bigger, the better. Now if you’ll just acknowledge that anorexic imploding E.T. bodies are hot t00, you’ll be the most woke of them all. I’ve actually been covertly spreading wokeness this whole time. I’m Lena Dunham. And my pussy’s out right now.

Now that you’re lactating over Ashley Graham’s diaper ass, it’s a perfect time to check out someone who’s even uglier – Amy Schumer. The sultry vixen posted a bunch of Instagram pics of herself waddling around a bunch of rocks with some really fun looking bitches, and her hot frame is more than visible thanks to a sexy barely-there bikini. Just trying to keep up with you guys. Schumer had fun with the fact that she’s fat, insinuating in another post that she might be pregnant by touching her stomach (where is it tho?) and commenting that she’s “cooking up something.” She then squashed the rumors by stating in another post that she’s not, in fact, pregnant. The yucks just don’t stop with this one. Speaking of yuck…


@leesaevansstyle and i are cookin somethin Up

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I always have a bump alert!

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Photo Credit: Instagram

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Mark Zuckerberg Gives “Thumbs Up” To Holocaust Deniers


Sometimes I wonder why someone like Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg – who could live out the rest of his life in extreme luxury without ever lifting a finger or opening his trap again – continues to take on monstrously high-pressure responsibilities for a job he doesn’t financially need. Move to a palatial estate in Malibu where you can wake up every day to a hearty bowl full of blow, do more blow at the beach, and then have a nightcap of blow. At least that’s the retirement goal I detailed to the financial planner who came into my work. I’ve seen those commercials. We need to start planning now.

Most likely, men like Zuckerberg continue to run multi-billion dollar companies – and inevitably villainize themselves as they lose touch with reality – because of status and greed. Corporate America is one big dick measuring contest, and as Zuckerberg is just one big dick, he’s doing pretty well. Following his decimated Puerto Rican high-five that left the world aghast, it seemed like Mark couldn’t do much more to soil good name of the pathologically narcissistic social media tech tycoons who all suffer from varying degrees of Asperger syndrome.

But Zuckerberg – who again, could be in Malibu with a bowl of blow – just can’t shut up, and recently defended the rights of Holocaust deniers to preach the good word on Facebook. An interviewer from Recode initially used Sandy Hook shooting deniers as an example of people blurring the line between free speech and punishable hate speech on social media. Facebook has been grappling with how to categorize and address “fake news” in the wake of Russian’s involvement with the 2016 election. But Zuckerberg quickly segued, unprovoked, into a conversation about the social media rights of Holocaust deniers:

I’m Jewish and there’s a set of people who deny that the Holocaust happened. I find it deeply offensive. But at the end of the day, I don’t believe that our platform should take that down because I think there are things that different people get wrong. I don’t think that they’re intentionally getting it wrong.

Everyone gets things wrong and if we were taking down people’s accounts when they got a few things wrong, then that would be a hard world for giving people a voice and saying that you care about that.

“Things that different people get wrong?” I went to public school in Appalachia, where wearing shoes was a privilege, not a right, and even I learned about the Holocaust. And declaring his own religion as a way to excuse anti-Semitism is so twisted it’s going to take a therapist, and an exorcist, to address. Zuckerberg naturally faced backlash for his comments, but he quickly retorted (not apologized, as people are claiming) with:

I enjoyed our conversation yesterday. But there’s one thing I want to clear up. I personally find Holocaust denial deeply offensive and I absolutely didn’t intend to defend the intent of people who deny that.

That means nothing. That’s air. BBC News points to the fact that this is going down at the same time that Facebook’s “Fake news is not your friend” campaign ads are splashed across cities and on the web. Who is he helping here? What is his end game? Who uses Facebook anymore? Someone take away this guy’s phone, set him up at a mansion in Malibu, and get him that big delicious bowl of blow. It’s time.


Photo Credit: Instagram

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Asia Argento Is Not Interested In Helping Out Depressed Men

Picture yourself being intimate with your significant other on a regular basis and having no idea that they were infatuated with committing suicide. I know during the obligatory cigarette session after sex with Asia Argento, Anthony Bourdain had let his lust for slitting his own wrists slip out at least once. But Argento most likely laughed it off and told Bourdain to get back in the kitchen and make her a sandwich. While Anthony has been nominated for a few Emmys since he’s been away, his lovely girlfriend Asia has also received a few nominations herself. One of which is for worst girlfriend in the world. She’s in the lead. She claims she had no idea Anthony longed to get into the Guinness Book of World records for the longest time a human has gone without breathing or die trying. He overdid things just a tad.

Asia Argento was clueless about Anthony Bourdain‘s “obsession” with suicide — despite his repeated mentions of it on TV and in articles over the past 18 years.

“I never knew this obsession of his. He never told me,” the Italian actress tweeted on Monday, along with a link to an academic paper that compiled 19 times the celebrity chef had discussed suicide since 2000. The three-page piece, titled “Anthony Bourdain’s long-burning suicidal wick — in his own words,” was published a month after the globetrotter killed himself at 61.

“Heart wrenching read,” wrote Argento, 42, who was dating Bourdain when he hanged himself in his French hotel room in June.

When the author and TV personality starting dating Argento, he reportedly told a mutual friend he’d “never met anyone who wanted to die more than him.” But in the last 18 years, he mentioned killing himself — including by hanging himself in his hotel room — close to 20 times.

In a January 2009 episode of the Travel Channel’s “No Reservations,” he talked about being saved from a “bout of depression and self-loathing by the healing powers of pork.” “I determine not to hang myself in the shower stall of my lonely hotel room,” he said.

It’s slightly concerning just how selfish some celebrities are. Anthony dated famous women, met the President, had money and multiple shows that were successful, but somehow still painted himself as a victim. If anyone is allowed to decide it’s time to take an early dirt nap it’s these working class heroes who have an abundance of bills, piles of prior obligations, and never-ending responsibilities. If my mailman with multiple children married to a woman he no longer loves can still show up just to hand me junk mail and other flyers five days a week without a feeling of worthlessness that would encourage him to drive the U.S. Postal truck into oncoming traffic, then Anthony should have been able to cure the loneliness with an expensive hobby like hookers and cocaine. It’s what most aging elite men do to avoid tears and suicidal thoughts.

[Read About All The Money Anthony Bourdain Was Hiding From His Will]

Photo Credit: Asia Argento from Getty Images

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Sextastic Model Milano Puts On A Smokeshow On The Beach To Pimp A Water Brand

I do not have a PhD in marketing, I do not even know if that is a thing that exists, but what I do know is that if you want people to buy your water you would be better off not having sand anywhere near the frame.

No one likes sand, not even crabs. The only reason it exists is because the sea continues to wage a war against the land, and grains of sand are the corpses that have been left scattered along the battlefield. If the water near where I lived was not filthy enough to give me hepatitis, sand would still be enough of a reason to keep me away from the beach.

If I see a bottle of water being marketed on a beach I am going to assume that is where it is being bottled as well. What else am I supposed to think, that a beautiful woman was simply posing in provocative ways in order to sell merch? Isn’t that illegal, like false advertising? If I published ads of my name brand water staged in my bathroom buyers would be devastated to find out it’s not filled with my toilet water. I think that is legally the same situation here.


Photo Credit: MEGA

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Tim Tebow Wants Hot Women To Wait For It

Does anyone know if Tim Tebow has been deflowered yet? Because he sure gets around for a virgin waiting until marriage. He’s dating 2017’s Miss Universe Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters. Maybe mouth and butt stuff doesn’t count. Three Hail Marys after confessions might be enough to save a straying away from the path of righteousness Tebow from being known as the town sodomite. Or maybe those Hail Marys for him may end up as more incomplete passes to Jesus because not even prayer could save his career. I’d opt to bathe in the eternal Lake of Fire before considering playing for the other baseball team in New York that hasn’t won a World Series since the 80s. Either way this Christian mingle couple will probably take church chaperones on their dates to avoid getting too touchy feely after a few glasses of the blood of Christ starts to kick in.

Tim Tebow is off the market. Speaking recently with ESPN, the Mets prospect confirmed he is currently dating 2017’s Miss Universe, Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters.

“She is a really special girl and I am very lucky and blessed for her coming into my life,” Tebow, 30, said. “I am usually very private with these things but I am very thankful.”

This isn’t the first time Tebow has been taken with a beauty queen, as he was previously linked to fellow Miss Universe winner, Olivia Culpo, in 2015.

“I’m looking, but I just can’t seem to find anyone,” Tebow said of his relationship woes to People last spring. “I don’t want to be single; I’m ready to settle down and start a family. I want to have kids. I have so many things I want. No one will be happier than me when I finally find the right person.”

For a man who openly admits to wearing a chastity belt, Tim sure does get a lot a decent tail tossed his way. It’s a shame he can’t do anything with it. Probably the idea of thinking about being inside his lady’s pocket reminds him of being inside the passing pocket and he just chokes every time. For someone fed up with being single he isn’t really applying himself. Attractive women having patience isn’t the norm. And I can guarantee if Miss Universe makes it to the third date without being on third base with her own baseball prospect of a boyfriend, he’s outta there.

Photo Credit: Getty Images / Splash News 

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Priscilla Presley Holds Dead Dog At South Korea Protest


Ever since the PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics, people seem to have a renewed interest in the fact that a small percentage of South Koreans eat dogs. Olympic freeskier Gus Kenworthy adopted a South Korean dog that was on the chopping block (only to kill it himself from neglect (no matter what anybody says) and bury it stateside, which is, quite literally, wasting food) and now Priscilla Presley and Kim Basinger are joining in by protesting dog meat at a rally in Los Angeles. To be completely candid on the matter, I truly thought Priscilla Presley was dead. I was wrong. She just looks dead.

Basinger held a sign depicting dead dogs while Presley took things a step further by actually holding a dead dog for dramatic effect. It was recently euthanized by a local vet, according to TMZ. For what it’s worth, while the thought of dog meat is truly gruesome, it’s far from the grossest thing that Asian people eat. Kidding. That’s not me anymore. I’m not excited about the practice, but if you Google any animal commonly consumed as food in America, you can dig up something expounding the species’ cognizance and worthiness of life. BBC states “chickens are not stupid” and Popular Science states that fish “deserve better treatment from us.” Americans happen to revere dogs. Indians revere cows. We eat cows. We don’t eat dogs. Priscilla Presley looks like a dog. Full circle.

I am a meat eater, but I can say that our treatment of animals in the states is often so cruel and disturbing (link is to graphic video of cows) that to chastise another country for its treatment of animals before we have our shit together is laughable. Does Presley think that dogs are immune to harm in the US? She’s holding a dead one. I actually worked for a nonprofit spay and neuter service while in college, and can say that until even the wokest of people stop romanticizing the lovable neighborhood stray and litters of adorable but unvaccinated kittens and puppies that will grow to be mangled worm-ridden adults wishing they were eaten by South Koreans, we need to focus on our own animal problems. But really, honestly, getting back to today’s real takeaway, Priscilla Presley is alive?

See video of the Los Angeles protest here

Photo Credit: Instagram, Backgrid

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America’s Got No Talent Trapeze Artist Falls On Her Stupid Face


Network television features about one-thousand shows in which formerly respected celebrities sit in chairs from Battlefield Earth and make poor assholes fight for fame and money. It’s like producers realized that television was never going to get better than it was in the 80’s with Star Search, except they knew audiences craved screen time from Randy Jackson and Katy Petty. Read me like a damn book, producers.

America’s Got Talent is one of these shows, and on the most recent episode, a stage four depressing trapeze duo fucked up their act by letting the woman plummet twenty-feet face first. The only, and I do mean the only, reason anyone watches something this inane is to catch someone splat, so it’s a real bummer and frankly bad production that a safety net was in place to catch the woman. At least with Nascar – something possibly even more mind-numbing than AGT – the stars have the decency to explode.

The fact that there was never any real danger involved in the AGT trapeze act – with the “fire pit” being nothing more than set design – should wake audiences up from their competition show stupors. You’re watching air. None of this is real. Heidi Klum has been dead for a decade and now only exists as Sexy Terminator. Wake up people. As my co-worker notified me this morning, all actual talent ceased to exist with the end of the only reality competition show to ever matter, Stairway to Stardom.

 Photo Credit: AGT Judge Heidi Klum from NBC / Splash News / Backgrid USA

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