n Elliot Wolfn

n Elliot Wolfn

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Posts by n Elliot Wolfn

Scrapped Heathers Film Adaptation Goes International After School Shooting Craze

Pay no attention to Janie because Christian Slater’s got a gun. And he’s the reason why the Heathers film, now turned into a series, won’t be seeing a stateside release. The Paramount network planned on releasing a full 10 episodes worth of first season when it came to a rehashed Heathers project, but that was before the Parkland shooting. Who knew that at least one side effect of a school shooting could be positive. An angel gets its wings every time a Hollywood reboot is canned. Unfortunately, Paramount was only putting up a front and refused to lose money over crisis actors, conspiracy theorist, and outcast kids treating their classmates like the opposing team in a Call of Duty Kill Confirmed match. The finished project’s release was only partially canceled. A few places that matter outside of America, in addition to some randos that don’t, still get to see all 10 episodes without an issue.

Jason Micallef’s series adaptation of the ’80s cult classic was delayed and eventually scrapped by the fledgling Viacom network last month. Featuring suicides by several high school students and the destruction of a school building, the show was deemed too controversial to air on the ad-supported network in the weeks following the mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. In a statement, the Viacom network said its decision to hit the pause button in the series was “right thing to do.”

It will instead air on HBO or its streaming service in Bosnia and Herzegovina, Bulgaria, Croatia, Czech Republic, Hungary, Kosovo, Macedonia, Moldova, Montenegro, Poland, Romania, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Denmark, Finland, Norway, Sweden, Spain, Andorra, Portugal, Angola, Cape Verde, Guinea Bissau, Mozambique, Sao Tome & Principe.

So I’m going to guess school shootings are a First World problem. Maybe Sasha Cohen was onto to something with giving kids guns. Because when you reside in a country where you’ve been a child soldier using an AK-47 longer than you’ve been able to form full sentences, random acts of violence aren’t that random. They’re the norm. Some celebrity waving a gun in school setting wouldn’t offend too many people from the list of places where the Heathers series release is being made available.

Photo Credit: Getty Images / Mr. Skin 

The post Scrapped Heathers Film Adaptation Goes International After School Shooting Craze appeared first on WWTDD - What Would Tyler Durden Do?.

Asia Argento Is Not Interested In Helping Out Depressed Men

Picture yourself being intimate with your significant other on a regular basis and having no idea that they were infatuated with committing suicide. I know during the obligatory cigarette session after sex with Asia Argento, Anthony Bourdain had let his lust for slitting his own wrists slip out at least once. But Argento most likely laughed it off and told Bourdain to get back in the kitchen and make her a sandwich. While Anthony has been nominated for a few Emmys since he’s been away, his lovely girlfriend Asia has also received a few nominations herself. One of which is for worst girlfriend in the world. She’s in the lead. She claims she had no idea Anthony longed to get into the Guinness Book of World records for the longest time a human has gone without breathing or die trying. He overdid things just a tad.

Asia Argento was clueless about Anthony Bourdain‘s “obsession” with suicide — despite his repeated mentions of it on TV and in articles over the past 18 years.

“I never knew this obsession of his. He never told me,” the Italian actress tweeted on Monday, along with a link to an academic paper that compiled 19 times the celebrity chef had discussed suicide since 2000. The three-page piece, titled “Anthony Bourdain’s long-burning suicidal wick — in his own words,” was published a month after the globetrotter killed himself at 61.

“Heart wrenching read,” wrote Argento, 42, who was dating Bourdain when he hanged himself in his French hotel room in June.

When the author and TV personality starting dating Argento, he reportedly told a mutual friend he’d “never met anyone who wanted to die more than him.” But in the last 18 years, he mentioned killing himself — including by hanging himself in his hotel room — close to 20 times.

In a January 2009 episode of the Travel Channel’s “No Reservations,” he talked about being saved from a “bout of depression and self-loathing by the healing powers of pork.” “I determine not to hang myself in the shower stall of my lonely hotel room,” he said.

It’s slightly concerning just how selfish some celebrities are. Anthony dated famous women, met the President, had money and multiple shows that were successful, but somehow still painted himself as a victim. If anyone is allowed to decide it’s time to take an early dirt nap it’s these working class heroes who have an abundance of bills, piles of prior obligations, and never-ending responsibilities. If my mailman with multiple children married to a woman he no longer loves can still show up just to hand me junk mail and other flyers five days a week without a feeling of worthlessness that would encourage him to drive the U.S. Postal truck into oncoming traffic, then Anthony should have been able to cure the loneliness with an expensive hobby like hookers and cocaine. It’s what most aging elite men do to avoid tears and suicidal thoughts.

[Read About All The Money Anthony Bourdain Was Hiding From His Will]

Photo Credit: Asia Argento from Getty Images

The post Asia Argento Is Not Interested In Helping Out Depressed Men appeared first on WWTDD - What Would Tyler Durden Do?.

Tim Tebow Wants Hot Women To Wait For It

Does anyone know if Tim Tebow has been deflowered yet? Because he sure gets around for a virgin waiting until marriage. He’s dating 2017’s Miss Universe Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters. Maybe mouth and butt stuff doesn’t count. Three Hail Marys after confessions might be enough to save a straying away from the path of righteousness Tebow from being known as the town sodomite. Or maybe those Hail Marys for him may end up as more incomplete passes to Jesus because not even prayer could save his career. I’d opt to bathe in the eternal Lake of Fire before considering playing for the other baseball team in New York that hasn’t won a World Series since the 80s. Either way this Christian mingle couple will probably take church chaperones on their dates to avoid getting too touchy feely after a few glasses of the blood of Christ starts to kick in.

Tim Tebow is off the market. Speaking recently with ESPN, the Mets prospect confirmed he is currently dating 2017’s Miss Universe, Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters.

“She is a really special girl and I am very lucky and blessed for her coming into my life,” Tebow, 30, said. “I am usually very private with these things but I am very thankful.”

This isn’t the first time Tebow has been taken with a beauty queen, as he was previously linked to fellow Miss Universe winner, Olivia Culpo, in 2015.

“I’m looking, but I just can’t seem to find anyone,” Tebow said of his relationship woes to People last spring. “I don’t want to be single; I’m ready to settle down and start a family. I want to have kids. I have so many things I want. No one will be happier than me when I finally find the right person.”

For a man who openly admits to wearing a chastity belt, Tim sure does get a lot a decent tail tossed his way. It’s a shame he can’t do anything with it. Probably the idea of thinking about being inside his lady’s pocket reminds him of being inside the passing pocket and he just chokes every time. For someone fed up with being single he isn’t really applying himself. Attractive women having patience isn’t the norm. And I can guarantee if Miss Universe makes it to the third date without being on third base with her own baseball prospect of a boyfriend, he’s outta there.

Photo Credit: Getty Images / Splash News 

The post Tim Tebow Wants Hot Women To Wait For It appeared first on WWTDD - What Would Tyler Durden Do?.

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